Genre: Eulogy

A few years ago, I was asked to deliver a eulogy. A scripted, public expression of praise at my grandfather’s funeral. Many of those who would hear my words knew him well, but I was one of the few in the church who knew him best. It’s a highly emotionally charged, very public expression of the shared grief which comes with deep love, and deep loss. But for the eulogy writer, it forces many questions. Do you make your words personal and intimate? To what extent do you embellish a life which was often imperfect? How might you use the genre to help others in their own grief? Do you lean on the words of others to help say what you mean?

I wrote, but I couldn’t write my way out of my own grief. So I decided that the congregation would just hear the deafening ache of my own loss, and my attempt to connect it to their own. It wasn’t just my own loss, it was our loss. I leant on the words of W.H. Auden’s Funeral Blues. I told his jokes. Stories of his limitless kindness. And of his enormous circle of friends. And what I hoped would happen next for all of us. That we would always smile when we thought of him. Always tell his stories. And always aspire to be the best version of him we could possibly be.

This is a wonderful version of Auden’s Funeral Blues, which I read as part of my eulogy. I cried while I read it. And I still cry when watching this.

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